How to avoid being bookmarked

Bookmarking is when a guy (or a girl; but it’s usually guys) suggests meeting up on a certain day but then never follows up with a plan, leaving you hanging. It’s CRAZY annoying. But there is a cure, an easy cure. I’ll share it with you and together we’ll stamp this shiat out.

Let’s watch you get bookmarked.

John texts: Hey! Free tonight?
You: Hello! Yes, finish work at 6.
John: Great! Hey, blah blah blah [meaningless chat, non-date related]|
You: Ha! Lolz
Your best friend: Hey, wanna go see a film tonight?
You: Can’t. Seeing John. !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your best friend: OMG! 

 TIME PASSES

You: Hey John, I’ll be out of here in 10. Still fancy meeting? xx

TIME PASSES

John: So sorry! Work got CRAZY. Maybe at the weekend? Really sorry xxxx

You [to best friend]: John bailed! >:-(  U still free?

Why did John bail? Many reasons. He’s lining up girls and seeing who replies; he changed his mind; work really did get crazy. Who knows. But what’s irritating is, you never know how to react. Should you play it cool? Pretend you didn’t even notice not meeting? Oh hey – yeah my work got crazy too, er just after I text you, so wow, is it midnight already? Can you return all those clothes you panic-bought at lunchtime because you thought you had a date? Should you ever see this chancer again?

Breathe. Here’s the cure. I’d love to say I invented this, but in fact I learned it years ago when I was a member of a forum where women all over the world discussed dating. (We were all hopeless – we all got better.) A brilliantly wise woman who called herself Forti* invented this no-fail cure for bookmarking. (She might have even coined the phrase “bookmarking” too.)

The magical bookmarking cure is: “What did you have in mind?” You just keep saying, “What did you have in mind?” until the guy has given you a time, a day, and a venue. Until you’ve got those three things, you do NOT have a date.

Here’s what I mean:

John texts: Hey! Free tonight? YOU DO NOT YET SAY YES OR NO.
You: Hello! What did you have in mind? 

At this point, John sits back and stares at his phone. Dammit. He was just really just hoping you’d come over to his place, order some takeout and he’d try to get you naked before the end of The Apprentice. But that’d look kind of blunt written down.

John: I thought we could go for drinks? Unless you fancy coming to mine…?
You: Drinks sound great! Where did you have in mind? 

John nearly drops his phone. Who IS this steely-eyed negotiator? Hmm, it’s kinda hot.

John: That nice little bar near your office? Maybe dinner after?
You: When were you thinking? xx
John: I could pick you up from work? About 6?

YOU NOW HAVE TIME, DAY AND VENUE. YOU ARE FREE TO LAND.

You: Sounds great! Can’t wait x

Before you’ve tried it, you might feel that you’ll look like a crazed interrogator, shining a light into a man’s face and waving pliers at his teeth. But you won’t. You’ll look like someone who is agreeing to the DATE rather than to the MAN, and refusing to fill up her calendar with wishy-washy promises. And that’s exactly how to play things at the very early stages.

Try it! And let me know how you get on, in the Comments.

Love,
Kate Taylor

 

Kate Taylor

KATE TAYLOR is a Dating Expert and Sex Writer.

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