For World Menopause Day, let’s talk about dating in the menopause.
I met my husband online when I was 40, and not even perimenopausal. That was good news for both of us because, 5 years later, menopause turned me from Anne Hathaway to Annie Wilkes – clingy, suspicious and wearing a cardigan covered in food. I haven’t hobbled him yet, but it’s probably only one delayed HRT prescription away. 🪓
One of the worst symptoms of menopause is a loss of confidence, which makes dating even more nerve-wracking.
Your emotions cycle through 😃 😡 😭 😊 and you can’t predict which one they’ll land on during the date.
Your levels of oxytocin drop, which affects your ability to trust, so you feel suspicious 🔍 and cynical. 🙄
Brain fog and short-term memory loss (from falling oestrogen) destroy your quick-fire banter; now you feel like the cousin dragged in to make up the numbers on Family Fortunes. 🤔
You need reading glasses for the cocktail menu. The only part of you that feels thin is your hair, and your bits have gone from lusty to dusty.
Should you give up and just sweat out the next 10 years alone at home, Trainspotting style?
Dating – terrifying though it may be – is an excellent way to boost your confidence through the menopause.
Trying new things – even just a different restaurant, because it’s darker – increases dopamine. That helps your overall motivation and “spark”. It also releases a rush of pleasure, and can boost your body confidence.
Meeting new people increases your positivity, because we tend to talk to acquaintances less about our problems. Listening to yourself talking in an upbeat way helps you feel more optimistic.
Oxytocin can be boosted through holding hands or kissing, which should turn you from Miss Marple 🕵️♀️ back into your calm, trusting self. And sex is one of the best things you can do to keep your bits fighting fit.
In November, I’m taking part in a live, virtual, online-dating coaching event for OurTime, the dating site for the over 50s. It’s free, so I’d love you to sign up and watch. You can ask ALL your dating questions there, for me and the amazing Julie Peasgood to answer, and we can discuss regaining your mojo in the midst of your menopause.
Here’s a replay of part of last year’s coaching session to help you get a feel for what we do.
Good luck. Stay cool 😎