“So funny but so true.”
“It was really funny!”
“Not only is it right on the money both socially and scientifically, but the writing is breezy and laugh-out-loud funny. I read a lot of it out to Jeremy.”
NOT TONIGHT MR RIGHT (Penguin) is, out of all the books I’ve written, my favourite. It’s all about how (and why) stopping having casual sex – even for just a few weeks – will transform your dating life from tense and terrified to relaxed and romantic.
It’s not religious, judgemental or preachy. I’ve been where you are (horizontal) and I know how tricky it can be to not have sex with someone you’re nuts about. Or whom you don’t want to lose. Or whom you want to seduce.
But, having casual sex too soon doesn’t work. Men and women don’t go into the bedroom as equals. Because:
Oxytocin – the Fatal Attraction hormone
Women produce up to EIGHT TIMES as much Oxytocin as men do when we have sex. You know Oxytocin, it’s the clingy, mushy, needy hormone that’s designed to help you form an intensely strong bond with certain people. Those are people you have sex with, and your babies. Oxytocin is strong enough to make women lift up cars to rescue their babies, stay up all night with children, and text men 358 times in a row.
You don’t want to form that kind of bond with a bloke until you’ve found out – through time, not texts – that he’s worthy.
Oxytocin creates a power imbalance
Before you’ve had sex, you’re calmly in control and HE’S in a mild sweat, wondering Where This Is Going. (He means his willy, but he’ll quickly start wondering about the relationship too.) After you’ve had sex, it’s reversed. Suddenly he’s all king of the world, and you’re all Rose, clinging to a wardrobe in an emotional frozen ocean.
This book tells you, in light, relatable and funny detail, exactly how long you should wait before you do it. The signs that mean Go, and the signs that mean No.
It’s like having me in your Kindle, giving you up-to-the-minute advice on every step of your early relationship.
How much do you need this book?
- Have you ever had sex when, looking back, a simple, “Thanks for dinner” or “I’m sorry I forgot your birthday” would have sufficed?
- Have you ever tried to win back a bored boyfriend with a complicated technique called something like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hard-On?
- Have you got ever got naked just to relieve outside pressure – from your friends, your man, or your control-top underwear?
- Have you ever had sex with someone you weren’t that keen on, but still felt irrationally annoyed when they didn’t contact you afterwards? Or worse, felt irrationally relieved when they did?
- Have you ever wished you knew the perfect moment to bonk?
Count the number of times you’ve said yes. Not to men (we don’t have all day), just to the questions.
1-5: Run, don’t walk to the shop and buy this book immediately. Try not to have sex with anyone on the way.
0: You are naturally a Lofty Love Goddess. Put this book down and buy something about weddings.